Week 9 Rankings
Man up and make a trade!
Okay, I am tired with the subtle hints and gentle prodding. Eight teams have a legitimate shot at a championship this year and the other two are hanging around just close enough that I can’t say they’re dead (although we do have a transplant team standing by ready to harvest their organs.)
But... each of the eight contenders have flaws in their lineup that can only be addressed by making a trade. You know, I can actually sense everyone’s sphincter tightening up just reading about the thought of making a trade. But you all need to stop being scared to death of doing something. Even worse, you aren’t even capable of rejecting a trade offer that is made to you. We all laugh at Rocky because his typical trade offer consists of offering a guy he just grabbed off the waiver wire for the guy you drafted in the first round. But you know what? That’s the only trade offer that ever gets accepted in this league... massive overpays.
So with that all being said, I am going to make it easy for you. We are heading into Week 9 and I am overdue for a trade column anyway. Here is a brief rundown of what each team’s needs are and what they can offer in return.
Springfield Flanders
- Needs RB
- Could offer Brock Bowers or Tucker Kraft. This team has been the most consistent (and luckiest) team in the league this year, but the RBs after Achane could be a problem. Use a TE to get an RB2.
Mel Kipers Best Available
- Needs Flex/TE
- Could offer Jaxson Dart or Jayden Daniels. Do you really need 3 QBs. Use one to get a major upgrade in the receiving department.
Stick Rock
- Needs: QB/WR
- Could offer Jake Ferguson or George Kittle. The QBs (Herbert and Love) are starting to come around, but a more consistent option could be helpful. The WRs are also banged up so maybe a Top 25 WR could help keep them in the playoff race.
Dark Helmet
- Needs: QB/DST
- Could offer:RBS! Saquon Barkley, Javonte Williams, James Cook, Chuba Hubbard and Rachaad White are all solid options. Use one to get a QB2. Also throw in a D/ST as Dan has ZERO POINTS from that slot in the lineup for the entire year.
Black Ghostbusters
- Needs: QB/RB
- Could offer: WRs. Amon Ra St Brown, Jamarr Chase and George Pickens are all in the Top 5. I’d be willing to part with one of them for a QB1. Harold Fanarin has been a top 5 TE over the last month while Troy Franklin is emerging as a solid Flex option.
Milford Football Team
- Needs WR
- Could offer one of the RB’s he stockpiled. Josh Jacobs, Ashton Jeanty, Kimani Vidal, Aaron Jones and RJ Harvey would be enough to get a starting caliber Receiver.
Skoal Bandits
- Needs WR/TE
- Could offer a Running Back. CMC can get you a top 3 WR and Montgomery could bring back a top 25 WR. Also, the Bandits are one of the few teams that lack a reliable Tight End.
John’s Scary Team
- Needs RB
- Could offer one of his 3 QBs. Patrick Mahomes, Jalen Hurts and Matthew Stafford are having great seasons, but you only need two. Swing big by offering Hurts or Mahomes, or small… Matthew Stafford. He should get you a Top 15 RB in return.
Peeping Tomlins
- Needs QB
- Could offer an RB like Judkins or Irving for a Top 10 QB. Judkins for Stafford would make a lot of sense.
Wrath of Kahn - (editors note: Jim is the only one exempt from my diatribe above. He is always open for a trade that can help both teams.)
- Needs QB
- Could offer some of his RB Depth (Henry/Brown/Dowdle/Hampton/Pollard) for a decent QB1 to pair with Baker Mayfield.
AI Insights
High Score🏆
Dark Helmet led the league this week with an impressive 189pts
Bottom of the Pile😬
It wasn’t the finest week for Peeping Tomlins, who was left in the dust with a lowly 84pts
Bragging Rights💪
Black Ghostbusters blew out Peeping Tomlins by 73.14pts (157.2pts to 84.06pts)
Bad Beat🤕
A touchdown could have made all the difference, as Skoal Bandits lost to Milford Football Team by an agonizing 2.9pts 😓
Lucky Break🍀
“Lucky” is an understatement for Wrath of Khan, as they took away the win with an all-play record of 2-7 🍀🍀🍀
Not So Lucky...😡
Stick Rock had a 6-3 all-play record, but still ended up taking the L
Sharp-Shooter🎯
It’s time to wonder if Dark Helmet can see the future (or got a hold of Biff’s sports almanac), as they nailed this week with a perfect 100% accuracy score 🔮 💯
Now on to our Rankings.
1. Springfield Flanders (Last Week #1)
Flanders stay atop the Adams Division this week with a 150.04-134.92 victory over John’s Scary Team. Tucker Kraft (33.3), CJ Stroud (25.72) and Jaylen Waddle (22.9) led them to their league leading 7th win of the season.
2. Mel Kipers Best Available (Last Week #2)
The team everyone thought would be the best team in the league has turned out to be the luckiest. Despite having only the 7th highest point total, they are our # 2 seed by virtue of their 5-3 record in a weak Patrick Division. Jaxson Dart (21.42), Tyler Huntley (18.74) - REALLY???? Tyler Huntley is the 2nd highest scoring player on a division leading team??? Is it uncomfortable sitting down to watch a game with that horseshoe up your ass each week? No - I’m not bitter. CeeDee Lamb added another 14.6 points as the rest of the roster only managed 39 points.
3. Stick Rock (Last Week #3)
Here is the guy who has a legit gripe with MKBA’s record. Stick Rock has scored 101 points more than them but trails them by a game in the standings. Jonathan Taylor (40.4), Jordan Love (34.3) and Justin Herbert (31.28) combined to outscore MKBA this week. Too bad rock played Dark Helmet and lost.
Ok. It’s time we all stopped mocking Dan’s draft preparation and maybe think about going the auto-draft route. Dan followed up last week’s 192-point outburst with a 188-point Week 9. James Cook III (38.6), Saquon Barkley (36.4) and Bo Nix (31.78) have pushed Dan’s team to the 2nd highest point total in the league.
5. Ghostbusters (Last Week #7)
Hey, look. Ghostbusters won their first game in a month. Fortunately, they are scoring at a reasonable clip. Breece Hall (35.86) had the same amount of passing TDs as his QB2 (one). Joe Flacco (28.32) may have stabilized a dire QB situation while Troy Franklin (26.9) could be another waiver wire steal for a team that leads the league in WR scoring.
6. Milford Football Team (Last Week #6)
MFT had a solid week and scored just enough to beat dear old dad by 3 points. Daniel Jones (29.18) continues to play at an MVP candidate pace, even outscoring Josh Allen (26.22) this week. Kimani Vidal (20.7) has looked good filling in for the injured Chargers RBs. Omarion Hampton is still not close to returning, so keep riding that gravy train.
7. Skoal Bandits (Last Week #5)
Another game and another loss for the 2-6 Bandits. The team scores at a decent enough clip to keep them in the playoff race but their opponents score an average of 152 points/week which makes winning tough. Drake Maye (32.28), Michael Pittman (23.5), and Mac Jones (22.02) did just enough to hand the Bandits their sixth loss of the year.
8. John’s Scary Team (Last Week #8)
It’s Halloween, so let’s see what makes John’s team so scary. Could it be he started two wide receivers this week that combined for zero points (Jerry Jeudy/Hollywood Brown)? It’s not like he could have used that scoring as he loses by 16 points to Flanders this week. Jalen Hurts (33.36), Patrick Mahomes (28.96) and Khalil Shakir (22.8) tried to make up for their teammates no-show, but inserting one of McLaurin (14.4) or Swift (15.1) into the lineup would have given them the win.
9. Peeping Tomlin’s (Last Week #9)
Speaking of Halloween, it’s obvious that The Tomlins are going dressed as Wrath of Kahn. For the 2nd week in a row and the 3rd time this season, they failed to crack 100-points. Rome Odunze (18.4), DJ Metcalf (16.5) and Justin Jefferson (14.4) led (?) an otherwise lackluster effort as they lose to league powerhouse Wrath of Kahn 107-94.
10. Wrath of Khan (Last Week #10)
Yup. Kahn scored 107 points this week and won and the Bandits are jealous. Justin Fields rose form the ashes to score 22.86 points. Derrick Henry (19.1) and waiver wire prize Oronde Gadsden (18.7) did just enough to get the win as the rest of Kahn’s lineup managed only 47 points.