Five games are in the books, with eight left to play, and the early verdict is clear: the Patrick Division is killing it. That is a dramatic reversal from 2025, when the Adams appeared to be the stronger division. So far, the Patrick Division teams are dancing circles around their Adams counterparts:
Ok, is everyone sufficiently creeped out by that video? Good. Just want to make sure I’m not the only one that is going to have nightmares.
The league’s top three scoring teams are all in the Patrick: Mel Kiper at 183 points per game, Stick Rock at 166 and the Skoal Bandits at 158. The Adams’ leaders trail well behind, with Springfield Flanders at 148 points per game and JST and the Ghostbusters tied at 144.
There is still plenty of season left, however. Hell, even Wrath of Khan broke out this week with an impressive 170-point explosion!
Wrath of Khan 170 — Milford Football Team 130
That’s right—Jim won, and he won big. The New York Giants stack of Isaiah Likely (32 points) and Malik Nabers (29), plus a 32-point performance from Parker Washington, powered Jimmy to an easy victory.
MFT’s season continues to slide after a third straight loss, making the two-game winning streak that opened the year feel like a distant memory. Jacoby Brissett (31), Derrick Henry (22) and Josh Allen (22) led the way, but the rest of the lineup combined for just 43 points in an otherwise toothless attack.
Better times may be just ahead for MFT: next week’s opponent, the Ghostbusters, will be without Amon-Ra St. Brown, Ja’Marr Chase, Jared Goff and Saquon Barkley.
Ghostbusters 143 — Peeping Tomlins 123
The Tomlins were projected to win throughout, but the Ghostbusters flipped the result. Jared Goff (34), Jordan Love (30) and Ja’Marr Chase (21) delivered standout performances while the rest of the lineup struggled. A late rushing touchdown from Goff ultimately provided the cushion the Ghostbusters needed to pull away from the Peepers.
Jared’s team started fast when Jaylen Warren (41.8) broke off two long touchdown plays during the early games. But Dak Prescott and Sam Darnold combined for only 24 points, wasting Warren’s huge day. Warren alone accounted for 35% of the Tomlins’ total scoring.
Stick Rock 172 — Skoal Bandits 133
The Patrick Division’s expected early-season showdown turned into a dud as Rocky rolled to his fifth straight win and improved to 5-0. Joe Burrow (32), George Pickens (28) and Mike Evans Jr. (26) led the way—check that, Mike Evans, not his son! How is that guy still in the league? I remember watching him catch passes in Tampa Bay from Steve DeBerg when I was in high school. Okay, maybe he has not been in the league that long, but it sure seems that way.
Meanwhile, the Bandits could not extend their three-week run of high-scoring performances and went quietly in this one. Drake Maye scored 47 points, accounting for 35% of the team’s total—just as Jaylen Warren did for the Tomlins—but no other Bandit scored more than 18.
Springfield Flanders 183 — Dark Helmet 158
Flanders kept pace atop the Adams Division with a sound thumping of Dark Helmet. The tight-end tandem of Brock Bowers (23) and Tyler Warren (21) led the way, while waiver-wire pickup Jameis Winston added an astounding 31 points—and turned the ball over only once!
Dark Helmet continues to struggle against every team not named the Ghostbusters, falling to 1-4. Trevor Lawrence (26) provided a fast start Sunday morning in London, and Trey McBride delivered his usual dependable production (21). James Cook added another 23, but the rest of the lineup could not provide enough help to keep pace with Flanders.
Mel Kiper’s BA 220 — John’s Scary Team 141
MKBA was dominant again, and for a while it looked as though they might threaten the KAOS scoring record. They will have to settle for beating the tar out of divisional rival JST instead. Jahmyr Gibbs (38), Christian Watson (36) and Jayden Daniels (33) powered a balanced attack in the easy victory.
JST dropped to 2-3 with a second consecutive listless performance. The wide-receiver trio of Garrett Wilson (23), JSN (22) and Matthew Golden (20) supplied plenty of scoring, but the two running backs combined for just 15 points and the two tight ends chipped in only 12. The lesson? Glenn has the only lineup that should be starting two tight ends each week.
That’s it for this week. And remember,